Out by 9:30

Gracious. Even though there were a few times when I was snuggled on the dirty floor of the hot forth-floor phone booth, whining to Willie that it has felt like an eternity since I've seen him, this has been a ridiculously fast ride. And this last weeks tornado of papers, exams, and well parties has made it all seem even more ridiculous. Wow.

(A quick side note, as last night begins to creep into my memory. There are girls at clubs in little more than a handkerchief across their breasts and a doily on their ass, and perhaps these girls actually are dying to grind with some creepy guy. Perhaps they want to meet someone and take them home. Perhaps they are just dressed up to dance with their friends. In any case, why can't these horrid men leave ME alone, when I'm in a pair of capri jeans, flip-flops, and a top? --perhaps you expected a more substantial feminist tirade. But its too too early for that. I just want, when I shake my head and literally say 'no' to anyone that I think is approaching me, to be taken seriously. Are there really girls saying 'no' but meaning 'yes' and dragging the rest of us down with them?)

Okay, back to the program. Which is over. Which is sad -- kind of. The partying with UC students I've long had enough of and have ready access to more at home. But Shish and Emily are two absolutely brilliant and charming and ridiculous people, whom I will miss enough to prompt a trip to Berkley soon, with a quick grab for Heather on the way up. (I'm ending with prepositions all over this blog, well, it's too early for grammatical accountability)

Yesterday was perhaps the most charming day of the trip. The sun stayed warm and bright all day (ALL DAY!) and we walked around town, doing last minute trinket buying, and taking pictures of the campus. In the afternoon, we went punting (stick-boating) down the 'countryside' which was so wonderfully funny. Emily fell twice in these odd and amusing encounters with trees. Shish climbed off the boat every time we went under a bridge--to jump from the bridge back into the water. --Heather and I have decided if we could ever have one child like Shish (ridiculous, honest, enthusiastic for everything) and one child like Emily (brilliant, complex, gracious, talented) then we would be perfectly satisfied. Anyway, using my family-vacation-learned boating skills somehow made me even more excited for Hawaii.

Well, Heather and Emily and I are off to Heathrow -- Emily to Chicago (home for her) and Heather and I to spend the next couple-o-days resting and partying in London. That should be lovely.

I have felt so blessed this year. Its hard not to have faith that the messing things of life will work themselves out--and hopefully I'll have my eyes open wide enough to learn the skills needed to greet the rising road. I'm definitely spending some ceiling-staring nights with my eyes focused on the ever larger sign-posts of self-sufficiency, job-searching, --the constant quest to fulfill and not just fill my life. But somewhere in this last year (or two maybe) my pulse has slowed. The landscape of the future in my mind's eye now includes me--this is rather difficult to describe. Anyway, I better check on Heather and print our itinerary.

Love to all, thanks for reading all my dramatic but earnest musings...I hope when you shake your heads at my words its with a generous amusement and not annoyance:)